The first rule of groom speech etiquette is – don’t get tied down with it. A lot of it’s outdated and well, blooming dull.
There’s no need to address your friends and family as ‘ladies and gentlemen’ (chances are they’re not), and you don’t need to toast the bridesmaids (though it is essential you say they’re gorgeous even if they’re already on their second bottle of Pinot).
The thank yous are, of course, important. Your marriage is frankly doomed if you forget to thank your mum in law.
The groom traditionally thanks
Of course, there may be others you want to mention (children from previous relationships?) but resist the urge to read out half the guest list. Nothing kills off a groom speech quicker than a tedious thank you list. Keep each individual thanks to less than 50 words and include a sense of fun throughout.
If you’re planning on giving thank you gifts we recommend saying you’ll be ‘personally handing them out later’ so you don’t disrupt the flow of your speech and the guests aren’t tempted to start checking their WhatsApp messages.
If you want to know what everyone else is covering – check out Debretts, Hitched, or Confetti’s etiquette guides. Only necessary if you’re the swotty sort.
Check with the bride – If she isn’t giving a speech then you’re speaking on behalf of her too. If nothing else, make sure she’s happy with your thank you list.
Make the thanks yous meaningful – Don’t just talk about what people have contributed to the wedding, thank them for what they’ve contributed to your life (even if it is just an appreciation on malt whiskeys). Keep each thank you less than 50 words.
Make your toast unique – drink to ‘a lifetime of dancing on tables’ or consider a #Tequilatoast
Practise your speech and film it on your phone – Watch it back, promise yourself you’ll do something about your gut and spot where your speech can be improved.
Feel free to use clever quotes – But make sure you credit the author or someone else will! Check out our Quote Inspiration guide.
Don’t thank the caterers, the venue, people who have travelled far etc. – It’s unnecessary.
Don’t resort to clichés – Yes you can thank your in-laws for ‘raising such a wonderful daughter’ but try to make it personal too. Thank your mother in law for the extra inch added to your waistline since you first sampled her Yorkshire Puddings.
Don’t ignore the feedback of friends – It’s always worth testing your speech on a mate, but this means you have to listen to them. If someone doesn’t get a joke, don’t waste your time explaining it as you won’t be able to do that on the day.
Don’t talk over laughter – You’ve worked hard for those laughs – don’t rush them. Always wait until your guests have settled down before continuing with your speech.
Don’t get overly soppy – Get the balance right between sweet and just showing off. Leave the pet names at home and keep anything overly gushing for the bedroom.
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