Let’s be honest too many best man speeches sound like they were copy-pasted from Google in 2007. Same jokes, same groans, same desperate laughter from the bride’s dad.
At Speechy, we know good comedy doesn’t come from clichés - it comes from truth, timing, and a little bit of mischief. As professional comedy writers (and people who’ve helped hundreds of best men become legends), here’s how to write best man jokes that are actually funny.
(*Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, check out all the different ways the Speechy team can help you write & deliver a great speech. Or check out our new AI-powered team member, SpeechyAI.)
(*Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, please Contact Us.)
Let’s face it – most best man jokes still sound like they were downloaded from a dodgy corner of the internet in 2004. Modern weddings deserve better. Real laughs, warmth and personality.
A decade ago, you could Google a few gags and hope granny hadn’t heard them before. You could roll out a PowerPoint, flash a photo of the groom’s unfortunate mullet, and people thought you were hilarious. These days? Not so much.
At Speechy, I’ve helped hundreds of best men around the world write jokes that don’t just get polite chuckles – they get actual, joyful laughter.
From Oxfordshire barns to Bali beaches, I’ve learned one thing: the best comedy isn’t found online – it’s found in real life.
Here’s the good news – you don’t need to be a stand-up comedian. (Honestly, most stand-ups don’t even want to be stand-up comedians.)
Writing great best man jokes isn’t about being a natural, it’s about putting the effort in. The truth is, even the comedians you love have a small army of writers behind them, and the “spontaneous” moments you see on TV have usually been rehearsed, rewritten, and timed to the millisecond. Good humour is crafted, not improvised. And with a bit of guidance, you can do exactly the same.
🧠 The Five Speechy Rules for Best Man Jokes
1. Base It on Truth
If it’s not true, it’s not funny. Guests can tell when you’re leaning on clichés rather than reality.
Too many best man speeches pretend every groom is messy, tight with money, or terrified of commitment — even when he’s actually a neat freak who Venmos his friends before the bill’s hit the table. Those jokes don’t land because they don’t ring true.
When we work with clients, we say: skip the stereotypes. Be specific. The humour should fit the groom you know, not the groom Google thinks you’re writing about.
❌ Lazy: “He’s been terrified of commitment for years.” ✅ True: “He proposed after three months. I’ve had Amazon parcels that took longer to arrive.”
Stereotype: “He’s a typical bloke — hates housework.” ✅ True: “He labels the fridge shelves and once sent his fiancée a spreadsheet about laundry rotation.”
❌ Overdone: “He’s tighter than a pair of skinny jeans.” ✅ True: “He once tried to haggle at the charity shop — with a volunteer named Gladys.”
These small, honest details are where the comedy lives. Not in exaggeration, but in recognition.
💡 Speechy Tip: Don’t try to make him a ‘character’. Just show who he really is — the oddities, the contradictions, the quirks. Truth makes people laugh harder than fiction ever could.
2. Edit Like a Writer
If a line takes too long to land, kill it. Comedy loves concision. Cut filler words. Read it aloud. Time your punchlines. Every extra clause blunts the joke.
❌ Too long: “Tom’s one of those people who, no matter what the situation, has this incredible ability to make it slightly worse.” ✅ Sharper: “Tom can make any situation worse. It’s a gift.”
Editing is what separates “mildly amusing” from “genuinely funny.”
3. Punchline Last
Don’t bury your laugh halfway through a sentence. The joke always lives at the end — think of it like landing a plane.
❌ Weak: “Tom’s late again, as usual.” ✅ Better: “Tom’s so bad with time his smartwatch once applied for redundancy.”
Let the audience know when to laugh – your rhythm will do the signalling.
4. Mix Laughs with Love
Great best man speeches aren’t stand-up sets. Guests should laugh and feel the bromance. If every line’s a punch, you lose heart. Balance teasing with tenderness.
Example: ✅ “I give Tom a hard time, but the truth is, he’s been the most reliable friend I’ve ever had – even if he once turned up to comfort me an hour late with a half-eaten kebab.”
One laugh, one heartstring – that’s the perfect ratio.
5. Use Callbacks
Callbacks are comedy gold. Reference a joke from earlier in your speech near the end and you’ll sound like a pro.
Example: ✅ Early line – “Tom’s always late. Even his hairline’s running behind schedule.” Callback in the toast – “But at least he made it on time today. The hairline’s still on its way.”
It’s rhythm and recall — the mark of a crafted speech, not a rambling one.
💡 Speechy Tip: The best man speech isn’t about stuffing in as many gags as you can; it’s about telling a story, revealing truth, and keeping everyone laughing because they recognise what you’re saying.
Write Like a Comedian
1.The Real Secret: Show, Don’t Tell (and Make It Specific)
Most best men think comedy is about being funny. It’s not. It’s about being specific. The difference between a polite smile and a genuine laugh usually comes down to detail.
When I coach clients, we spend less time adding jokes and more time reworking lines so they feel true, human, and alive.
Anyone can say “he’s loyal” or “he’s funny” – but those are adjectives, not stories. You need to prove it. Paint a picture that lets people see what you mean.
❌ Flat: “He’s the kind of man you can always rely on.”
✅ Alive: “He once drove 90 minutes at midnight to pick me up after I left a gig. No questions. No meter. Just loyalty on wheels.”
Now the audience doesn’t just hear he’s loyal — they see it.
Same rule applies across the board:
❌ Flat: “He’s generous.”
✅ Alive: “He once gave a stranger his last £10 — then borrowed £20 off me to cover the cab home.”
❌ Flat: “He’s ambitious.”
✅ Alive: “He once told me he’d retire at 35. He’s 36 now and still crowdfunding his breakfast.”
It’s not about word count. It’s about word choice. Every line should earn its place — and every laugh should feel like it came from real life.
💡 Speechy Tip: Don’t describe. Demonstrate. Every quality, every emotion, every joke should come with a tiny story attached. That’s how you turn filler into gold.
2.The Golden Rule: If It Could Be Anyone’s Line, It’s No One’s Laugh
If a joke could appear in any best man speech, it’s not yours. Google might give you something that sounds funny — but it won’t feel funny when it’s been heard at a hundred weddings before.
As I tell my clients: if the line could apply to another groom, delete it. Comedy is about voice, not volume.
❌ Generic: “He’s finally found someone to put up with him.”
✅ Original: “He’s finally found someone who doesn’t mind his 14-step skincare routine and his conspiracy theories about decaf coffee.”
Or…
❌ Generic: “I knew she was the one.”
✅ Original: “I knew she was the one when she didn’t leave after he explained his filing system for crisps.”
Specificity = comedy. Familiarity = flat. It’s that simple.
💡 Speechy Tip: Before locking in a joke, ask yourself, “Could this line make sense at someone else’s wedding?” If the answer’s yes — it’s gone.
3. The Borrowed Gag
Cheerful theft is still theft. Borrowed jokes ring flat because you can hear the echo. Guests have heard them before — at other weddings, on TikTok, maybe even at this venue last weekend.
If a joke could appear in any best man speech, it doesn’t belong in yours.
❌ Bad: “They say a good speech should last as long as the groom does in bed.”
✅ Better: “I was told to keep it short — so unlike Ben’s DIY projects, I plan to finish on time.”
That’s how you do it. You twist a cliché so it becomes yours. Add a detail that roots it in reality — the DIY, the golf obsession, the wedding location.
Other examples:
❌ Borrowed: “I’ve been dreading this moment almost as much as the groom’s credit card bill.”
✅ Personalised: “I’ve been dreading this moment almost as much as the groom’s last Amex statement — which included £60 on scented candles. Don’t ask.”
4. The Rambly Story
Long, tangled stories kill momentum. Guests don’t need the prequel, the geography, and the cocktail list. Good stories are lean — they cut straight to the funny or the heartfelt core.
If you find yourself saying “Anyway, back to the story…”, you’ve already lost them.
❌ Bad: “At uni, Tom once fell asleep in the library, missed an exam, and then blamed the cleaner for moving his bag. It was so funny, everyone talked about it for weeks.”
✅ Better: “At uni, Tom once blamed a missed exam on ‘library interference.’ He’s been confidently wrong ever since.”
Short. Visual. Memorable.
💡 Speechy Tip: When we edit client speeches, we apply the 3-line rule — if it takes more than three lines to get to the laugh or the point, trim it. You’re not writing War and Peace; you’re writing the highlight of the wedding day.
5. The Mean Roast
Mocking someone’s flaws is easy. Making it affectionate is hard. But that’s where you land laughs, not groans.
❌ Bad: “He’s put on a few pounds — romantic married life or bad cooking?”
✅ Better: “Since moving in with Zoe, he’s discovered broccoli isn’t just decoration. That’s progress.”
The joke respects the subject.
6. The Random Observation
Even if it’s true, a line is only funny when it builds a picture or surprise.
❌ Bad: “He’s bad at DIY.”
✅ Better: “He built a shelf so crooked it became a design statement. He calls it ‘avant-garde storage.’”
Details create humour. Lazy statements don’t.
Types of Jokes That Always Land
Let’s break down the big hitters – the joke formats that always work when written properly.
1) Icebreakers
Start strong, but ditch the clichés. The line “I’m the best man – though the real one couldn’t make it” has been used at roughly 17 million weddings.
✅ Do this instead: “For those who don’t know me, I’m Ben – the man who’s been holding Dan’s hand since long before Emma made it socially acceptable.”
A good icebreaker should…
Be personal to the groom and partner
Be short
Make guests instantly warm to you
2) Stories & Anecdotes
The heart of your speech. But too many stories die before the punchline because they’re overcomplicated.
Bad version: “We went abroad once, I think it was Spain, and Dan, being Dan, managed to forget his suitcase. Honestly, we couldn’t believe it. It was so typical of him. We had to go to the shops when we got there and buy him some new clothes, and of course he complained the whole time because nothing fitted right. It was just one of those things that really summed him up – always a bit disorganised, but, you know, that’s why we love him.”
Good version: “We went to Spain once and Dan forgot his suitcase. He spent a week in flip-flops and a hotel robe. Honestly, the best he’s ever looked.”
Keep stories under 100 words. Give them a clear point. Always end with the laugh.
3) Finish Strong – The Power of the Callback
A callback is the best friend of every pro comedian — and every clever best man. It’s when you reference an earlier joke or line near the end of your speech, creating a satisfying little loop that makes your writing feel tight, deliberate, and brilliantly rehearsed (even if you came up with it at 2am with a beer in hand).
Why it works:
It rewards the audience for listening.
It makes you look like you know what you’re doing (which, let’s face it, is half the goal).
It turns a random string of jokes into a crafted performance.
Think of it like a wink to your audience — a little nod that says, “See what I did there?”
Example: Early line – “Tom’s the only man I know who needs Google Maps to get from the sofa to the fridge.” Callback in the toast – “So, let’s raise a glass to Tom – the man who finally found someone patient enough to deal with his karaoke, his hair gel, and his Google Maps addiction.”
Simple, neat, and gets a guaranteed laugh.
10 Questions to Help You Find Your Funny
If you’re stuck for jokes, here’s your comedy treasure map.
What’s his worst habit?
What’s his guilty pleasure?
What’s he irrationally confident about?
What’s he genuinely terrible at?
What makes his partner laugh about him?
What’s the weirdest thing he owns?
What’s his most overused phrase?
What’s his best story from before he met his partner?
What has love changed about him?
And what hasn’t love changed at all?
Once you’ve got answers to these, your material writes itself.
Best Man Joke Examples
Here are a few Speechy-style jokes tailored for different grooms and weddings…
👔 The Groom Works in Recruitment
“Ben’s a recruiter, which means he started dating like he hires – three rounds, two interviews, and a probation period.”
🏖 The Wedding’s on a Beach
“When they said ‘destination wedding,’ I didn’t realise the destination was sunburn.”
💘 The Groom’s Marrying His Childhood Sweetheart
“They’ve been together since school, which explains his handwriting and her patience.”
🧠 The Groom’s a Tech Guy
“He’s been trying to upgrade to ‘Husband 2.0’ – though most of it’s just deleting cookies and pretending that counts as housework.”
🏳️🌈 The Groom’s Partner Is a Guy
“When Chris met Luke, it wasn’t love at first sight – it was HR paperwork at first sight. One smile and the position was filled permanently.”
🐶 The Bride Runs the Show
“Emma’s the brains, Dan’s the enthusiasm – together they’re basically a start-up with better snacks.”
👉 Want jokes this good but personal to your groom? Try SpeechyAI – it’s trained by us to sound human, funny, and utterly original.
Inclusive Comedy That Actually Feels Modern
Here’s the thing: great comedy doesn’t rely on punching down. It’s about affection, not mockery.
Even if the groom can take a joke, that doesn’t mean everyone else can. His mum might smile politely, his new mother-in-law might freeze, and the bride might spend her honeymoon planning your “accidental” seating next to the kitchen at Christmas.
When we work with clients, we cut anything that feels lazy – sexist tropes, “ball and chain” clichés, or lines that alienate half the room.
Think of it like this: your job isn’t to roast the groom, it’s to reveal him – the quirks, the contradictions, the ridiculous and loveable truth of who he is.
💬 Example (cringe): “We never thought he’d settle down. Especially after his dating history.”
💬 Better: “We never thought he’d settle down… until he met someone who actually knows how to work the dishwasher.”
One’s awkward. The other’s affectionate.
And if you’re ever unsure? Picture the bride’s nan. If she’d purse her lips or clutch her pearls, cut the line.
Reddit is full of horror stories – best men banned from future family gatherings because they thought a “risky” joke would kill. Spoiler: it did, just not in the way they hoped. Some brides never forgive. Some mothers never forget.
💡 Speechy Tip: The best comedy unites a room. It makes everyone – young, old, straight, gay, sober, or slightly sloshed – feel they’re in on the fun. That’s when you know you’ve nailed it.
How To Deliver Comedy Like a Pro
I always tell clients: great writing deserves great delivery.
Practise out loud. You’ll hear what doesn’t land.
Print your notes. Phones kill connection.
Smile and pause. Laughter needs space.
Sip water like a pro. Time it just after the laugh.
Two drinks max. Beyond that, you’re brave, not funny.
Because whether you need a little help or the full works, the Speechy team will make sure your jokes actually land – and your speech becomes the one everyone talks about (for the right reasons).
The Speechwriting Experts
The Speechy team are TV-trained scriptwriters/comedians by trade & we’ve helped 1,000s of speakers around the world deliver their dream speech.
We’re rated ‘Excellent' on Trustpilot for a reason...
''I had an unbelievable experience working with Speechy.
From the moment I got in touch with them I felt supported and come the day of my best mans speech, it went down a storm with a standing ovation.''
''Speechy deserves more than 5 stars. (They) produced a factual, funny Mother of the Bride speech with just the right amount of emotion..... it was ingenious. Thank you so much for the wonderful & priceless memory of having delivered my speech at my daughter’s wedding and nailed it ... and got a standing ovation too. My children were very proud of me, including my new son-in-law! ''
''These Guys are tremendous! One main point is that its not their speech - its yours! This is because it is based totally around what you would like to say, but its the spin that Speechy puts on it, that is the magical bit... Ordinary words become a hilariously entertaining event.
There were giggles, applauds, laughs, tears, cheers and standing ovation – all in that order!''
''Feeling anxious or stressed about an upcoming speech? Look no further than Speechy... I just delivered my Best Man speech this past weekend and absolutely crushed it. I was nervous leading up to the moment, but while delivering my speech, I didn't want the experience to end, the room was hooked, and laughing at every joke. Worth every penny... Thank you!''
''Navigating through the wedding industry often feels like you’re stuck on a conveyer belt....Speechy is the complete opposite. They treat you and your wedding like you’re the one and only. I couldn’t recommend them more.''
''Heidi and the whole team at Speechy are an absolute gem! In addition to their talent and extensive experience in speech writing, Heidi had an impressive way of listening to me talk about mine and my partners personal anecdotes, before putting it in such a funny and beautiful way that it felt as though she’d known us for years.''
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