(*Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, check out all the different ways the Speechy team can help you write & deliver a great speech. Or check out our new AI-powered team member, SpeechyAI.)
‘(Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, check out Speechy’s bespoke speechwriting service. We also have a range of excellent speech templates that might be just what you need.)
(*Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, check out our eulogy writing service or our eulogy template.)
(Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, check out Speechy’s bespoke speechwriting service. We also have a range of excellent speech templates that might be just what you need.)
The opening of your best man speech is terrifying. Your palms sweat, your heart thuds, and you’re wondering if you can fake a power cut. But trust us – the first 30 seconds aren’t just about survival. They’re your chance to win the room.
When we work with best men, we see the transformation all the time: land that first laugh and suddenly the shoulders drop, the pace evens out, and the rest of the speech flies. Miss it, and you’re battling uphill.
So how do you start strong without sounding like every other best man who’s Googled “funny wedding speech openers”? You surprise people, you keep it personal, and you set the tone. Here’s how.
We’ve coached hundreds of best men, and here’s what we know:
It calms you down. Once you hear laughter, you relax.
It makes people like you. Audiences judge quickly. A good opening earns instant goodwill.
It sets the tone. If you start strong, they’ll expect the rest to be good too.
Ed Amsden, one of our writers, summed it up after giving his own speech:
“Each time I’ve been best man, the nerves were brutal. But the minute I got the first laugh, I felt the room shift. They wanted me to do well.”
That’s the power of a great opening line.
We’ve heard them all in rehearsals…
Generic intros: “Good evening, I’m [NAME], honoured to be here.” It wastes precious seconds.
Googled gags: If you found it online, half your guests already know it.
Over-apologising: “I’m not very good at speeches…” Nobody relaxes after that.
Needless intros: If the MC has already said who you are, why repeat it?
Every time we coach best men through these habits, the lightbulb moment is the same: you don’t have to sound like everyone else.
Here’s what works, with examples and why they land.
Why it works: You cut through the waffle and immediately signal confidence. Audiences love momentum.
What we tell clients: Don’t thank people, don’t apologise, just go. It shocks the audience into paying attention.
Examples:
“So, they’ve finally done it. Sophie has agreed to put up with Rohan for the rest of his life – and he’s got it in writing.”
“The open bar is officially running, which means I’ve got six minutes before you all stop listening.”
“I was told to keep this short. Which is also what the bride said when she first saw the groom.”
Why it works: Weddings can feel formal. Asking a question snaps people out of passive listening. It’s playful, immediate, and brings energy into the room.
What we see in practice: We’ve had best men test this in rehearsals – the difference between blank stares and a sea of hands is night and day.
Examples:
“Hands up who’s ever had to babysit Stephen after six pints. Great, you know what Emily’s signed up for.”
“Quick show of hands – who thought Tom would still be single at 35? Mum, you didn’t need to raise yours that quickly.”
“Let’s settle this – who thinks today’s really about the bride? Who thinks it’s about the bar? Both are right.”
Why it works: Confidence in brevity. One good line can be funnier than three overworked ones.
What we remind nervous best men: If you land one great punch early, you’ve got the room.
Examples:
“Yes, I’m the best man. And yes, this is the best haircut I’ve had since Year 9 prom.”
“Let’s start with the obvious – why has gorgeous, talented Maria married a bloke who still wears Crocs?”
“I’ll keep this brief – mainly because I’m also in charge of the bar tab.”
Why it works: Humans lean in for stories. They’re natural icebreakers and give you material to callback to later.
How we see it land: Guests love when an opener segues into a bigger tale about the groom – it feels organic, not forced.
Examples:
“This is the story of a man with the social skills of a wheelie bin, who somehow managed to con the most amazing woman into marrying him.”
“When Dan joined Tinder, his bio just said: ‘Likes crisps. Not keen on eye contact.’ And yet, here we are.”
“Let me tell you about the time Matt thought Lynx Africa counted as a personality. Today, thankfully, he’s upgraded to marriage.”
Why it works: Visual humour is easy – everyone can see him. A well-dressed groom is the perfect setup for a joke about how rare that is.
Examples:
“I’ve known Dan since he thought shell suits were ironic. Style has never been his strong suit – until today, when three fittings and the threat of cancellation got him here.”
“This suit is the first time I’ve seen Tom wear anything that didn’t have a football badge stitched to it.”
“Dan finally looks sharp. Shame it took a stylist, a bride, and the removal of his Crocs collection to get here.”
Why it works: Everyone knows the groom’s “thing.” Using it in the opener makes the joke instantly relatable.
What we’ve written for clients: Golf, football, gaming, cycling – whatever eats his weekends is usually comic gold.
Examples:
“I’ve spent 20 years being James’s caddy, chauffeur, and therapist for his golf addiction. But today, he’s finally found something he loves more than his 9-iron.”
“Tom’s a cycling obsessive. He’s happiest in lycra, sweating up hills. Today’s proof miracles happen – someone still said yes to him.”
“If marriage is like football, then Emily’s just signed for a Sunday League team with Premier League ambitions.”
Why it works: Everyone loves a sibling dig – it feels affectionate, not cruel.
Examples:
“Yes, I’m the younger brother – though I’ve always been more mature. Today’s a milestone: the first time I get to speak without him interrupting.”
“We’ve shared bedrooms, fought over the TV remote, and destroyed most of the furniture growing up. But today’s the first time Mum can’t ground me for what I say.”
“I’ve had to live with this man for 25 years. Emily, your turn. Good luck.”
Why it works: Commenting on the unique vibe of this wedding makes it feel tailored and fresh.
Examples:
“Hello everyone – and I do mean literally everyone. This may be the smallest wedding I’ve been to. The last time I saw this few people together, I was marrying two Sims in my teenage bedroom.”
“Today we merge two great nations – Spain and the USA. The paella meets the cheeseburger. The Bald Eagle meets the Imperial Eagle. Hopefully without pecking each other to death.”
“It’s a small, intimate wedding – which means no one can sneak out without us noticing.”
We’ve seen too many best men rely on the skirt joke, the Ryan Reynolds gag, or the “enough about me” line.
Generic gags are fine, but they make you sound like a copy-paste merchant. And guests deserve better.
Callbacks are a writer’s secret weapon. By looping back to your opener later, you look cleverer than you are and give the speech a neat shape.
Example:
Open with: “I’ve been best man three times. Mostly because people don’t learn from their mistakes.”
End with: “So if this marriage doesn’t last, I’ll see you all again in 2028.”
Tom Coles, one of our writers, calls callbacks “the ultimate comedy cheat code.” He’s right.
A great opener isn’t about being the funniest person in the world. It’s about being original, surprising, and setting the tone. The rest flows from there.
We’ve helped nervous brothers, over-excited mates, and even professional comedians shape their best man openers. The pattern’s always the same: start strong, relax, and enjoy it.
Need a hand? Check out our Best Man Speech Services or try our SpeechyAI Generator. Between us and your mate’s questionable life choices, we’ll get you off to a cracking start.
The Speechy team are TV-trained scriptwriters/comedians by trade & we’ve helped 1,000s of speakers around the world deliver their dream speech.
Our advice has been quoted everywhere from The New York Times to Grazia and from Forbes to The Observer. Our founder has also featured on the BBC Sounds’ Best Men podcast with Jason Manford and written ‘The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches’, published by Little, Brown.
