Hen or Stag Speeches

Unlike the obligatory L-plates, matching T-shirts, or inflatable man parts, a speech at the Hen or Stag Do can add genuine humour and proper heart to the party.

We’re talking about five minutes that actually bring people together, kick off the chaos, and turn a group of semi-strangers into a team on a mission.

It also means…

• Best men can roast the groom without Auntie Joan writing a letter of complaint
• The maid of honour finally gets to grab the mic (seeing as she’s still often snubbed at the wedding – though don’t get us started on that)
• You kick off the partying with a bang

Let’s talk tactics.

The Stag & Hen Speech Rules

1. Keep It Short

You’re not auditioning for The Crown. This isn’t the wedding speech – just a curtain-raiser. Two to three minutes, max. Enough to say something clever, kind and a little outrageous.

2. Make It Inclusive

You’re not just talking to your gang. You’re talking to a mix of mates from different life chapters. Think icebreaker, not in-joke marathon. A shared joke about how you all met the bride/groom is good. A ten-minute story about Magaluf in 2014, less so.

3. Time It Right

Deliver your speech when the drinking starts. Champagne at the spa? Pint at the pub before the airport? Tequila at the karaoke bar? Your call. Just wait until the mood is buzzing and people are ready to laugh.

How to Write a Hen or Stag Do Speech

There are no official rules, but if you want people to laugh, cheer, and genuinely enjoy your moment – follow these tips.

1. Kick Off with an Ice-Breaker

Start by warming up the crowd.

Opening Line Ideas:

• “Ladies, gents, legends… welcome to what’s about to become a therapy session disguised as a party.”
• “Thanks for coming. This is the most diverse crowd since the cast list of Love Island.”
• “They say your friends reflect who you are… which means [NAME] is 70% liability and 30% legend.”

Make everyone feel like part of the team – even that shy workmate who’s clearly wondering what they’ve signed up for.

2. Select Your Target

This is your chance to toast/roast your mutual mate.

• What’s their most loveable flaw?
• What’s their signature move on a night out?
• Are they known for ghosting group chats, ordering the weirdest cocktails, or turning every dancefloor into Beyoncé’s headline slot?

Celebrate their quirks, share an inoffensive in-joke or two, and make sure the humour is recognisable to the whole group.

Example one-liners:

• “She’s the only woman I know who’s packed seven outfits for a two-night trip – and still forgot pants.”
• “He once took a date to Greggs because he thought it was ironic. It wasn’t.”
• “She’s got two speeds – Nap Queen and Let’s-Order-Tequila-At-Breakfast.”

3. Establish the Stag / Hen Do Rules

Here’s where it gets fun. Use your speech to set the tone for the weekend.

You could…

• Pretend you’ve received a letter from the bride/groom with strict instructions (“Please keep him clothed and avoid facial tattoos.”)
• List out unofficial rules for the event:
  • No twerking before 2am
  • Shots must be consumed with dignity (or not at all)

Or…

• Issue challenges for the group:
  • Get a local to say “mazel tov”
  • Make the stag or hen recreate their worst ever date
  • See who can sneak a cardboard cut-out of the groom into the most selfies

Funny ‘rule’ ideas:

• “Anyone using the words ‘early night’ gets a forfeit.”
• “First one to complain about the price of cocktails… buys the next round.”

Quote-Worthy Moments

A few cheeky or heartfelt lines to work in if you need some filler…

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.” 

– Sylvia Plath

”You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”

– Laurence J. Peter

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4am that matter.” 

– Marlene Dietrich 

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn that was fun’.” 

– Groucho Marx

“A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though they know you’re slightly cracked.”

– Bernard Meltzer

“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”

– Unknown

“Friends don’t let friends do foolish things… alone.”

– Unknown

And a toast to end with…

• “Here’s to love, laughter and waking up wondering where your passport is.”

Nailed It? Here’s the Catch…

Deliver a cracking stag or hen speech and you risk being asked to deliver a proper wedding speech. That’s when things get serious(ish).

But don’t worry, we’ve got your back.

👉 Best Man Speech Advice
👉 Maid of Honour Speech Advice

Want help writing something brilliant for the actual big day?
Check out SpeechyAI or Bespoke Speechwriting Services.

Or…