South Asian Best Man Speech

So, how do you ensure your speech is the best best man speech possible?

To stop you from scratching that urge to Google ‘wedding jokes’, Speechy’s Shai Hussain (BBC Comedy Room alumnus) is here to help you write a genuinely unique and very witty wedding speech.

It’s always best to keep it short and sweet rather than long and draggy, especially if there’s a long list of speakers. If your speech is verging into a running time close to Lagaan, you know you’ve gone too far.

A traditional best man speech shouldn’t be more than ten minutes, but as we know, at South Asia weddings we like to go BIG with everything – so if there’s elaborate staging of the speeches planned then you may have a bit more leniency – take your cue from the groom.

We’d still recommend a word count of between 1,000 and 1,600 MAX! 1,300 is generally the sweet spot.

Obviously, you’re unlikely to have control over where you’re wedged in the speech line up but it’s common to see the best man speak somewhere in the middle, after the ammis and papas open the floor, and before the dulhan and dulhaniya close it.

Wherever you’re positioned (and let’s hope it’s next to the fit one you’ve got your eye on), your best man speech will remain the comedy centerpiece of the evening. No pressure.

It may seem like a dubious honour to be chosen as best man, but it’s an honour nevertheless. Consequently, you need to put some work into the role and take the need to be funny seriously. 

It’s likely you and the groom have been through a lot together, regardless of how long you’ve known each other. There’s a reason he chose you as his best man and this is your opportunity to prove that he made the right choice and to deliver an unforgettable speech that gives a rapid and entertaining assessment of the groom as you know him to be.

The best way to start is to just brainstorm everything you’ve been through together from the moment you first met to the ‘family-friendly’ parts of the stag getaway.

Although we previously stated that your speech should be the comedy centrepiece of the evening, if comedy isn’t your forte, don’t panic.

We’ve written a dedicated blog on How To Make Your Wedding Speech Funny which you can check out. The big thing is… Avoid. Googled. Gags. At. All. Costs.

No matter how desperate you get, just don’t.

Yes, speeches may still be relatively novel on the South Asian Wedding scene, but trust us, we’ve all heard those awful opening lines about the best man accepting bribes and the wedding cake being in tiers.

Cringe. 1990 wants its jokes back.

There’s a straightforward trick to being funny and simply ‘it’s funny because it’s true’. Find the comedy in the reality of life. Let’s face it, most blokes do enough daft things to make them ridiculous.

Start with parts that may be familiar to the guests (“Oh that’s such a Riz thing to do!”), before moving on to aspects they may have never got to see (though remember to keep it PG and suitable for both old and young ears!).

With sentiment or comedy, it becomes more powerful the more specific you are. Avoid using too many adjectives and instead, illustrate his characteristics with real-life anecdotes. So, rather than saying he has terrible taste in music, explain that he still listens to Bombay Vikings on repeat.

If you’re still feeling uninspired, or feel you need to inject a bit of extra wit into your speech, a legitimate trick can be using quotes from people funnier than yourself. Whether it’s a Shah Rukh Khan line like “Pyar dosti hain, love is friendship!” or a line from Homer Simpson like “To the untrained eye, I’m eating an orange. But to the eye that has brains, I’m making a point about marriage” – as long as you quote your source, you can’t be accused of plagiarism! Check out more best men quotes. 

BE REMEMBERED FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

Of course, with any best man speech, you need to be conscious of the demographic of the wedding guests and tone your material accordingly. With a big old Asian style bash, you have half of humanity to consider so do not go too ‘edgy’. If in doubt, don’t.

Keep your innuendo mild at most. The groom and your uni classmates may love the naughty stuff but the bride and her parents may gape in horror.

Once you’ve written your first draft, try to cut it in half. Seriously!

Once you get started, you may feel like you have so much to say – but save some material for the gol gap stand later!

Remember, speeches are better when they’re punchy and editing is a skill. It’s So, once you’ve crafted the first draft, go back, rip it to shreds, and get rid of that inevitable waffle you’ll find lurking in there.

Leave them wanting more, not heckling you off the mic!