Wedding Speech Etiquette

Let’s get one thing straight: wedding speech etiquette matters—but only if it’s relevant.

Tradition might say the groom speaks “on behalf” of the bride. That the father of the bride must toast the happy couple. That the best man should finish with a shout-out to the bridesmaids. But tradition also told us women shouldn’t vote, men shouldn’t cry, and no one should wear sequins before sunset.

So yeah, let’s not take all the old rules too seriously.

Every wedding is different. The speeches should be too.

First Rule of Wedding Speech Etiquette: There Are No Rules

“Traditions are lovely. Laziness isn’t.”
— The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches by Speechy’s Heidi Ellert-McDermott

Wedding speech etiquette should be about thoughtfulness, not templates. Yes, be polite. Yes, acknowledge the people who matter. But please don’t default to what’s always been done.

At Speechy, we never slavishly follow etiquette guides. We use them as a tick box cheat sheet.

So, this etiquette guide isn’t here to tell you what you must do. It’s here to help you work out what feels right- and which traditions to tweak, bend, or break with confidence.

Etiquette for Dads, Mums & Family Speakers

Traditionally, the father of the bride kicks things off. But modern weddings embrace all sorts of family arrangements- so don’t get stuck on the old labels. It could be a mum, stepdad, aunt, or best family friend opening the speeches. And they could be directing their tribute to the bride or groom.  The role is flexible. The job remains the same:

• Welcome everyone warmly
• Celebrate the newlyweds with heart and humour
• Share charming anecdotes from childhood to adulthood
• Speak personally about your child’s character
• Show your appreciation of their partner
• End with a toast (short, sweet, and original)

A good speech doesn’t need grandeur or Grade 8 piano references. What it needs is warmth, truth, and maybe one perfectly-timed dad joke.

⏱ Stick to 6-8 minutes (around 1,000-1,300 words).
🚫 Don’t mention finances. Not even in jest. (Yes, we know everyone knows-but still.)

For more on how to nail this role, visit our Father of the Bride Speech Advice– it applies to any parent taking the mic.

Groom, Bride, or Both? You Decide

In the past, the groom did all the thanking and gushing. Not necessarily because he wanted to, but because etiquette said he “spoke for the couple.”

These days? Not so much. Thankfully, couples can do whatever suits them.

Options include:

• One of you giving a solo speech
• Two separate speeches (each with your own take)
• A joint speech—fun, funny, and more common than you think. We love working on Joint Speeches with our couples!

If You’re the Groom (or Solo Speaker)

Yes, you’ll want to thank a few people:

• Your partner’s parents for raising a legend
• Your parents for their lifetime of support (and taxi services)
• Your wedding party and anyone who helped make the day magic

But keep it concise. No one needs an Oscars-style list. And remember to make the thanks genuine, not just the usual platitudes.

Most importantly, your speech should centre on your love for your partner. This is your one guilt-free chance to be properly soppy in front of your mates. Milk it.

Skip the old bridesmaids toast cliché. Yes, thank them (and all the wedding party) but toast something more inclusive – love, laughter, or whatever got you both to the altar.

⏱ Aim for 8-10 minutes max. Shorter if you’re both speaking.
💡 More support here: Groom Speech Advice

Why More Brides Should Speak (And Are)

Let’s be honest—wedding speech etiquette has traditionally underestimated brides. But no more.

More brides are speaking (30% in fact). More are owning the mic. And guess what? The crowd loves it.

“Delivering my bride speech got more compliments than my dress.”
— Heidi Ellert-McDermott, author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches

Bride speeches are powerful. They don’t need to follow a set script. A bride can thank her people, gush about her partner, and crack a joke that lands better than anything the best man said. It’s not just a lovely surprise—it’s a highlight.

If you’re thinking about doing it: DO. IT.

Our advice to nailing it? Check out our Bride’s Speech Advice. 

Bridesmaids, Mums, and Other Glorious Women

Modern weddings aren’t just about men on microphones. We want more mums. More sisters. More bridesmaids and best friends.

You don’t have to wait for a permission slip.

If you’re speaking:

• Celebrate the couple in a personal way
• Say something that reflects who she is, not just how she looks
• Don’t be afraid to mix sentiment with sass
• Keep it clean-ish (but fun) if kids are around
• Toast something meaningful—love, mischief, survival… whatever suits the couple

Speechy is here for the matriarchy. Always.

Best Man, Best Woman, Best Mate: Get it Right

Everyone expects the best man to be hilarious—but the best ones also bring the heart.

And yes, this etiquette applies whether you’re a best man, best woman, or anyone else who’s been chosen to embarrass the newlywed (with love).

Do:

• Share 2-3 anecdotes that reveal your firend’s true character
• Compliment both newlyweds (and show you actually know them). Don’t just say the bride looks beautiful (though that is a must too!)
• Drop a few killer one-liners
• Make it feel like you wrote it-not ChatGPT. That means no Googled-gags. Check out How To Make Your Speech Funny blog is you need more help with that!

Don’t:

• Mention exes
• Use inside jokes no one else understands
• Get so crude that Grandma winces
• Go on too long (seriously)

Traditionally, you’d read out messages from absent friends. Today, WhatsApp exists. Don’t.

⏱ Ideal speech length? Under 10 minutes. 1,100-1,300 words.

Old school etiquette guides say the best man shouldn’t toast the couple. Debrett’s disagrees. So do we. Toast away.

More help here: Best Man Speech Advice

Wedding Speech Etiquette for Same-Sex Couples

Same-sex weddings deserve better etiquette—not less.

Whether you’re two brides, two grooms, or a non-binary couple doing things your way, your speeches can be as traditional or rebellious as you like.

Some couples:

• Each give a speech
• Deliver one together (we’re fans!)
• Have just one of you speaking on behalf of you both (old school)

A few reminders:

• Don’t joke about “who’s the groom” or “which one’s the bride”
• Don’t rely on heteronormative humour
• Do celebrate your love with honesty, flair, and a mic-drop moment

For tailored inspiration, check out our Gay Groom and Lesbian Bride guides.

When Breaking Etiquette Is the Polite Thing to Do

Old-school etiquette is about avoiding offence. Modern etiquette is about adding meaning.

Want to:

• Switch up the order of speeches?
• Include a speech from the maid of honour?
• Cut the speeches entirely and do them on the dancefloor later?

Go for it.

What matters is that speeches feel thoughtful and reflect the couple being celebrated.

“Etiquette only matters if it adds meaning or avoids awkwardness.
If it’s just tradition for tradition’s sake, bin it.”
— The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches

Final Thoughts on Wedding Speech Etiquette

So, what is wedding speech etiquette?

It’s not a fixed formula. It’s a set of flexible ideas designed to help you speak with confidence, thoughtfulness, and a touch of flair.

Whether you’re a groom, bride, best friend, or proud parent—make your speech count.

Keep it short(ish), real and you.

And if you need a little help, we’re here. Check out our Speech Advice Hub for tips, templates, and editing services designed to make your speech unforgettable—for all the right reasons.

(And let’s just say a big old thank you to Alan Law Photography for his great pics)