Father of the Bride Speech Challenges & How to Tackle Them

Writing a wedding speech is always a big deal. But for many dads, the challenge isn’t just writer’s block – it’s the tricky family dynamics, raw emotions, or awkward situations that make the job feel daunting.

We know because we’ve helped hundreds of dads through it.

As Heidi Ellert-McDermott, founder of Speechy and author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches, says:

“We’ve worked with fathers facing every kind of complication – from divorce to stepfamilies to grief. There’s always a way to craft a brilliant speech that’s heartfelt, funny, and drama-free.”

Here’s how to navigate the most common father of the bride speech challenges.

Challenge 1: When You Don’t Like the Groom

Let’s be honest – not every dad is instantly thrilled by their daughter’s choice of partner. But your speech isn’t the place for doubts. It’s your chance to show support for her happiness.

What we tell dads:

• Don’t fake undying affection – but don’t be cruel.

• Focus on the joy you see in your daughter.

• Find a genuine quality to compliment (sense of humour, shared values, work ethic).

Example lines:

• “I always hoped my daughter would marry someone who challenges her. Well, she certainly found someone with different opinions on just about everything. But love, they say, is about embracing difference – and these two clearly work.”

• “We may not have bonded over football or whisky, but I see how happy he makes her – and that matters more than anything else.”

• “She didn’t end up with someone like me which, let’s be honest, is probably for the best. She found someone who brings a whole different energy to her life, and together they just work.”

Challenge 2: When You’re Divorced from the Bride’s Mum

Divorce adds another layer of complexity. Your speech should acknowledge your co-parent with respect, but without reopening old wounds.

Tips:

• Be brief, warm, and dignified.

• Thank her if it’s amicable.

• If not, still acknowledge her importance in your daughter’s life.

Examples (amicable):

• “Of course, I must thank my daughter’s mum, who’s also done so much to raise the incredible woman we’re celebrating today.”

Examples (less so):

• “It’s a testament to how loved [Bride’s name] is that her whole family is here today to celebrate.”

• “Whatever our differences, one thing we’ve always shared is pride in the incredible woman [Bride] has become.”

• “Families aren’t always straightforward, but today proves love brings people together.”

Challenge 3: When There’s a Stepdad

If your daughter is close to her stepdad, ignoring him will feel awkward. Including him, even briefly, shows generosity and class.

What works best:

• Acknowledge his role in her life.

• Keep the focus on her happiness.

• Don’t compete – complement.

Examples:

• “[Stepdad’s name] has been part of [Bride’s name]’s life for a long time, and I know how grateful she is for his support. Families come in all shapes these days, and today I’m proud to share this day with someone who cares so deeply for her.”

• “I’m grateful she’s had not just one dad, but two men who love and support her unconditionally.”

• “It takes a real man to step into a child’s life and help shape the amazing woman we see today.”

Challenge 4: When You’re the Stepdad

If you’re the stepdad delivering the speech, your job isn’t to claim a title – it’s to celebrate your unique bond.

Heidi’s advice is simple:

“Don’t try to sound like a replacement. Celebrate your relationship for what it is – that’s what matters most.”

Examples:

• “I may not have been there for [Bride’s name]’s first bike ride or nativity play, but I’ve been lucky enough to be there for so many of the amazing moments since. Today is the ultimate one.”

• “Being a stepdad has been the most unexpected joy of my life, and watching [Bride] grow into the incredible woman she is today has been a privilege.”

• “I didn’t give her the gift of life, but life gave me the gift of her.”

Challenge 5: When There’s Been a Recent Death or Tragedy

This is one of the hardest challenges, and dads often worry about striking the right tone. The key is to acknowledge the absence with love, but not let it overwhelm the day.

Tips:

• Keep it short and heartfelt.

• Acknowledge the person, then move back to celebration.

• If grief is very raw, suggest a private toast later.

Examples:

• “Of course, today we’re thinking of [Name], who we know would have been so proud to be here. We carry them with us in our hearts today.”

• “[Name] is not here in person, but I know their spirit is in every laugh and every hug today.”

• “It’s hard not having [Name] with us today – but I like to think they’re watching from above, quietly judging the catering.”

(See also: Speeches and the Dearly Departed for more guidance.)

Challenge 6: When You’re Not a Natural Speaker

Plenty of dads panic because they’re not natural performers. But the truth is, you don’t need to be a comedian – just clear, honest, and prepared.

Our coaching insights:

• Write it down. Don’t wing it.

• Practise aloud – ideally to a friend who’ll give feedback.

• Remember: guests are rooting for you. They want you to succeed.

Example openings:

• “I’ve been dreading this moment. Not because I don’t want to speak – but because I want to do my daughter justice. And after a lot of drafts, advice, and the odd whisky, I think I’m ready.”

• “Public speaking isn’t my thing. But loving my daughter? That comes easy. So here goes.”

• “I’m a man of few words. Unfortunately, none of those words were helpful when I sat down to write this.”

Ad libs if you fluff a line:

• “That sounded much better in the bathroom mirror.”

• “If anyone’s recording this, please delete that bit.”

• “Let’s pretend that bit was hilarious and move on.”

Challenge 7: Other Sensitive Topics

Every family has its own complexities – estranged relatives, cultural tensions, blended family histories. The temptation is to explain or justify. Don’t.

Rule of thumb:

• Be gracious, not detailed.

• Keep the focus firmly on your daughter and her partner.

• Less is more – one dignified line is often enough.

Final Thought

Every father of the bride speech comes with challenges – but none are impossible to overcome.

As Heidi says:

“We help dads navigate messy feelings and tricky topics every day. The aim is always the same – to celebrate your daughter with love, humour, and authenticity.”

If you’re worried about your speech, check out our Father of the Bride Services. Whether you go it alone or want expert help, we’ll help you craft something your daughter will remember for all the right reasons.