Write A Funny Wedding Speech

Writing a funny wedding speech might feel like a risky business. But done right, it’s the single most effective way to get guests engaged and make your speech unforgettable (for the right reasons).

At Speechy, we work with hundreds of speakers every year – grooms, best men, brides, maids of honour, parents, uncles, even the odd ex. And the speeches that stand out? They all use humour. It doesn’t need to be stand-up quality – just honest, relatable and well-timed.

This guide covers the essentials of how to write a funny wedding speech that actually gets laughs – without Googled gags, dodgy clichés or offensive anecdotes.

What This Blog Covers

The Comedy Rules

Don’t Google Jokes. Just Don’t.

The number one rule: funny wedding speeches are never copy-and-paste jobs. If you found the gag on Pinterest, someone else has already used it – badly.

Avoid anything like:

“Wales is an unusual honeymoon destination but [groom] insisted he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.”

Urgh. 1994 wants its jokes back.

At Speechy, we always say: if a joke could be used in a speech about someone else, it’s not good enough. Aim for specificity, insight, and humour rooted in truth.

The Golden Rule of Comedy

“It’s funny because it’s true.” – Homer Simpson (and a bunch of other wise folk)

Wedding speech humour isn’t about punchlines – it’s about character. It’s about observing the quirks of the people you love, and pointing them out in a way that’s kind, clever and a little bit cheeky.

Like when a bride still wears UGGs in summer. Or the groom’s arms weirdly resemble a T-Rex. That’s the stuff of gold.

Funny wedding speeches are personal tributes – not open mic night.

How to Actually Be Funny – Step-by-Step

Step 1 – Find Your Focus

Every great speech has a theme, or at least a comedic lens. Whether you’re the groom, a best mate or a parent, figure out who or what you’re gently mocking.

Examples:

• Groom speech: You, as the unworthy yet lucky bloke.
• Father of the bride: Your drama queen daughter and her unexpected taste in men.
• Best man: The groom’s journey from socially awkward fresher to husband material.

“Some people think you shouldn’t tease the bride. We think that as long as you love her, and she laughs too, you’re fine.” – Heidi, author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches

Step 2 – Find a Funny Theme

Having a central theme running through your speech helps to keep it tight and full of laughs. It gives the speech shape – and lets you layer in jokes that pay off later.

Here are two funny theme examples for each speaker type:

Newlywed (Groom or Bride)

1. “How I tricked them into marrying me.” – Build your speech around how wildly out of your league they are and all the ways you managed to keep the con going.
2. “A user’s manual for living with me.” – Each section could be a funny rule, warning or habit you’ve learned to disclose since getting together.

Parent (Father or Mother)

1. “The greatest hits of [child’s name].” – Frame your speech as a chart-topping album of their best (and funniest) life moments.
2. “The Bride/Groom’s Guide to Life (According to Mum/Dad).” – Present each anecdote as a lesson – usually learned the hard or hilarious way.

Friend (Best Man or Maid of Honour)

1. “A field guide to surviving [name].” – Treat the couple like an exotic species. Include fun facts and cautionary tales.
2. “Behind the Instagram: The true story of [name]” – Pull the curtain back on their real personality with affectionate, cheeky truth bombs.

Once you’ve nailed the theme, writing the rest becomes much easier – and the jokes more natural.

Step 3 – Ask All the Questions

Great speeches start with great brainstorming. When we work with clients, we ask a lot of questions. Not just the cute stuff. The real stuff.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What are they weirdly obsessed with?
• What could they eat every day of their life?
• What’s their most bizarre habit?
• Who do they think is their celebrity twin?

Start scribbling. Think of it as an affectionate roast, not a TED Talk.

Observe your comedy target in action for a week. Spot the everyday oddities and relationship-rituals that you now take for granted. 

And if you’re still struggling – recruit help. Your partner if you’re the nearlywed (yes, you’re allowed to brainstorm with them!), your partner and other children if you’re the parent, and other friends if you’re a mate.

You’ll find other folk generally LOVE contributing comedic ammunition (especially brothers and sisters we find!). 

Step 4 – Nail the Opening Line

Starting is often the hardest part. In The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches, Heidi says:

“Don’t fall into the trap of wedding waffle. ‘For those of you who don’t know me…’ is the worst possible way to start a story.”

Instead, think like a screenwriter. Start mid-scene. Jump straight into a story or say something funny, unexpected, or super-specific.

Here are three strong, funny opening lines for each type of speaker:

Newlywed (Groom or Bride)

1. “We said we wanted a ‘low-key’ wedding. So obviously we hired a string quartet, ordered a cake the size of a Fiat, and invited 140 people.”
2. “We promised each other there’d be no public displays of affection… so naturally I’ve written 800 words about how much I love them.”
3. “I once said I’d never get married. And now look at me – in matching socks and crying over bunting.”

Parent (Father or Mother)

1. “When your child gets married, people say you’re ‘giving them away.’ I prefer to think of it as… strategic outsourcing.”
2. “When my child was five, they told me they’d marry a unicorn. So frankly, this is a huge improvement.”
3. “If I’d known raising her would lead to this level of emotion, I’d have started stockpiling tissues back in 2003.”

Friend (Best Man or Maid of Honour)

1. “I’ve known [Name] for 15 years, 3 hairstyles, and at least one regrettable tattoo. I feel qualified to speak.”
2. “Some people prepare for speeches like this with reflection. I used WhatsApp screenshots, a group chat, and mild panic.”
3. “There are few people you’d take a 3am call from, help move house, or lie to airport security for. [Name] is all three.”

(BTW – Want more like this? Our Wedding Speech Templates are packed with clever lines, prompts, and structures to help you land every laugh and toast like a pro. Or try SpeechyAI to get bespoke help in minutes. Or want the pros to create unique lines? Our Bespoke Speechwriting Service is where the magic happens. You bring the stories. We bring the wit.)

Step 5: Use Comedy Devices (Yes, You Can)

Try some of these tactics:

1. The Comedy Character – Exaggerate traits to sitcom level. Is she Monica from Friends or David Brent in heels?
2. Contrasts – Maybe one of them lives on protein bars while the other thinks spinach is a scam.
3. Surprise Your Audience – Tell them something they didn’t already know, like did you know the groom like peri-peri sauce on his toast and the bride has a collection of ceramic pigs. These are the sort of nuggets people will remember years later! 
4. Self-deprecation – Always welcome. And scientifically proven to make the audience think you’re more attractive. Honest.
5. Exaggeration – works 200% of the time

Step 6: Use a Quote (the Smart Way)

Quotes are a clever way to add humour and class.

Some of our faves:

• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
• “Now remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family.” – Homer Simpson
• “People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr Seuss
• “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.“ – John Bishop 

More ideas in our wedding speech blogs. Here’s our collection of groom quotes. 

Step 7: Pace Your Laughs

• Get one good laugh in early. It relaxes the room.
• Space out the funnies. Don’t front-load.
• Include light lines even in the thank yous.
• Keep anecdotes tight. If it takes too long to tell, ditch it.

“Comedy is rhythm. Think short sentences, pause for laughs, and don’t rush the punchline.” – Heidi

Step 8: End With a Bang – Callbacks & Toasts That Land

A good wedding speech isn’t just a string of funny lines – it’s a well-told story. And the best stories have a great ending.

Callbacks are a classic comedy technique – they loop back to something you said earlier and give it a fresh, funny twist. The result? A feeling of “ah, they really nailed it.”

And your final toast? That’s your mic-drop moment. Here’s how to make it memorable.

Newlywed (Groom or Bride)

Callbacks

1. “So yes, she did ‘accidentally’ crash my stag do… but I crashed her life, and luckily, she never asked me to leave.”
2. “I said earlier she laughs at all my jokes. She’ll need to, because this speech was just the beginning of my material.”
3. “So while I may never master laundry symbols or assemble IKEA furniture calmly, I do know I married the right person.”

Toasts

1. “To love, laughter, and always checking we packed the passports.”
2. “To my partner in crime, my co-pilot, and the only person who thinks my dance moves are charming – here’s to forever.”
3. “To the best decision I’ve ever made – and the second best, which was outsourcing this speech to Speechy.” (only kidding)

Parent (Father or Mother)

Callbacks

1. “I mentioned earlier her obsession with glitter… and here we are, still finding it in the confetti, 29 years later.”
2. “Yes, she once sold homemade tickets to her own sixth birthday party. And tonight, she’s pulled off a sell-out wedding.”
3. “I said she was a whirlwind – and now she’s found someone strong enough to hold the umbrella.”

Toasts

1. “To the bride and groom – may your weirdnesses always align, and your wine rack never run dry.”
2. “To a love story that started with a terrible online profile, and became the best thing either of you ever did.”
3. “To my daughter, and the woman brave enough to love her. May your life together be full of joy, patience, and pre-nup-free trust.”

Friend (Best Man or Maid of Honour)

Callbacks

1. “So yes, he thought her name was ‘Claire’ for the first three dates… but he got there in the end. And now he’s here, marrying his actual soulmate.”
2. “I said earlier that she’s always late. Well, somehow, she arrived on time for love. And that’s what counts.”
3. “He once said he’d never settle down. But then again, he also said he’d never eat kale. Things change.”

Toasts

1. “To the couple who prove that true love really is just friendship… with way more spreadsheets and scented candles.”
2. “To finding your lobster, beating the algorithm, and building a life as weird and wonderful as you both are.”
3. “To the people who make each other better, funnier, and definitely cooler – long may it continue.”

What NOT to Do

❌ Use jokes you’ve found online
❌ Embarrass the couple (you’re not roasting them)
❌ Rely on clichés or anything sexist (“marriage is a prison sentence” = yawn)
❌ Be the only one laughing
❌ Drink too much beforehand (Dutch courage = shaky voice + regret)