Groom Speech Jokes – Make Them Laugh, Not Groan

Writing a funny groom speech isn’t about wheeling out tired gags. It’s about tapping into your unique story and making your guests laugh with the truth.

This blog is packed with advice on writing groom jokes that actually land (without risking a groan from your in-laws).

We’ve worked with thousands of grooms over the years, and the best speeches – the ones that get belly laughs and happy tears – aren’t full of stand-up punchlines. They’re personal, specific, and smart.

What This Blog Covers

• The types of humour to avoid at all costs
• A 4-step guide to writing genuinely funny content
• The golden rule of wedding speech humour
• How to open strong and end even stronger
• Examples of icebreakers, callbacks, and killer toasts
• Expert delivery advice from the Speechy team
• Speechy’s Founder, Heidi’s quotes and insights from The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches

🚀 Step-by-Step Guide to Groom Speech Humour

Step 1: Tell the Truth

“It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.” – Homer Simpson

Don’t try to write funny. Write honest. Ask yourself:

• What makes you two weirdly perfect?
• What strange things do you do?
• What do you secretly love (or loathe) about each other?

For example:

“She’s so obsessed with cleaning, she once dusted the air fryer… while it was on.”

Or…

“He eats burgers with a knife and fork. This is the man I chose to marry.”

The more specific, the better.

Step 2: Get Story Hunting

Scroll through old messages. Dig through photos. Revisit your early dates and holidays. Ask family and friends for forgotten gems too.  The best gags come from real life – not your proposal.

Feel free to get your partner involved in this brainstorm stage too. Gone are the days grooms needed to hide in a cupboard when writing their speech. These days, it’s a joint responsibility (apart from that romantic third of your speech towards the end!)

Consider…

• How you got together – Did you lie on your Tinder profile and suggest you could play a decent game of tennis?
• The first-date – Who knew a ‘small’ glass of Rioja could ruin a whole shirt?
• Any classic anecdotes – First holiday disasters or revelations when you first moved in together
• The stories that really sum up you or your partner’s personality – When you ‘lost’ the car or they made an omelette that was too spicy for you to eat

These sort of anecdotes and insights are gold. Gather it.

Step 3: Create a Comedy Character

Good speeches need a central comedy target. It can be you. It can be your partner. Ideally, it’s a loving dynamic between the two of you.

Just because your bride’s in a wedding dress doesn’t mean she’s exempt from a little cheeky teasing. (In fact, it shows you really know her.)

“She’s the kind of woman who’ll argue that her Google Calendar counts as a hobby.”

If you’re marrying a groom? Even better – we’re all up for a bit of roast.

Step 4: Surprise Your Audience

Tell them something they didn’t already know. Comedy loves the unexpected.

“Not many people know this, but she once got stuck in a baby swing. Last year. At a barbecue.”

“He proposed in Venice. Sounds romantic, right? It was. Until the gondolier tried to high-five him and tipped us both in.”

Unpredictability is your friend.

🎤 Opening Lines – How to Icebreak Like a Pro

Starting strong is essential. The first line sets the tone. Avoid the waffle and dive straight in.

“The first line is the hardest to write. It’s where nerves meet expectations.” – Heidi, The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches

Examples of Great Opening Lines

• “Marriage is built on love, trust, and knowing the exact tone your partner uses when they’re ‘not angry.’”
• “As I stand here, legally bound and emotionally outkicked, I want to say thanks.”
• “They say love is blind. Judging by [partner]’s choice of me, I’d say they’re right.”

(BTW – Want more like this? Our Wedding Speech Templates are packed with clever lines, prompts, and structures to help you land every laugh and toast like a pro. Or try SpeechyAI to get bespoke help in minutes. Or want the pros to create unique lines? Our Bespoke Speechwriting Service is where the magic happens. You bring the stories. We bring the wit.)

🔁 Callbacks & Toasts – How to Nail the Final Act

A callback is a reference to something mentioned earlier in your speech – it’s a clever way to round things off.

Examples of Callbacks

Newlywed:

• “Earlier I said she was a neat freak. Which is why this speech is laminated.”
• “I mentioned her competitive streak – she even wanted to out-toast me. Cheers to that.”
• “Remember how I said I was lucky? Now I’m just grateful she showed up today.”

🎨 Package Up the Punchlines

Once you’ve got the stories and the insights, structure them into a proper narrative. Your speech needs shape – not just random memories.

We recommend building a theme to anchor everything. It could be:

• “Why I’m the lucky one”
• “The things I’ve learned from her”
• “Reasons she’s definitely out of my league”

For more help here, check out our Groom Speech Advice blog.

Cut any stories that takes too long to explain. Aim for about 8 minutes in total (1,200–1,300 words).

Then… edit like a pro.

“The first draft of anything is sh*t.” – Ernest Hemingway

✍️ If You’re Stuck – Use Quotes

Sometimes a killer line is already out there – and that’s okay. Quoting someone witty or wise can elevate your speech. The trick is to use quotes sparingly and make sure they feel personal.

“Don’t let someone else’s quote do your job for you – but when one sums it up perfectly, let it shine.” -Heidi, The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches

Make sure the quote links back to your theme or helps express something you can’t say better yourself.

Great Groom Speech Quotes

• “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham
• “People are weird. When we find someone with compatible weirdness, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss
• “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman

📚 Explore more: BrainyQuote – Marriage Quotes | Goodreads – Wedding Quotes

🎭 Delivering Comedy Like a Pro

Nailing the delivery is just as important as writing the jokes.

• Practise your lines out loud – this helps you find your rhythm.
• Eyebrow raises, shrugs, and pauses are your secret weapon – they land jokes without words.
• Smile – it puts everyone (including you) at ease. Feel free to laugh along at your jokes. You’ll find a lot of comedian’s do because laughter is infectious.
• Pause for laughs – don’t rush the good bits.

“A raised eyebrow can land harder than a punchline.” – Heidi

Need help? Our Delivery Coaching Service is designed to help grooms nail their moment in the spotlight. One to one online coaching from BBC-trained director & Speechy founder, Heidi Ellert-McDermott.

🚫 Humour to Avoid

THE OBVIOUS STUFF Let’s be honest, recycled jokes aren’t funny. If you’ve heard it at another wedding, don’t use it. If it sounds like it came from a Buzzfeed listicle, it probably did.

By 30, most guests have sat through their fair share of weddings. If a gag feels familiar, they’ll assume the rest of your speech is too.

THE BAD STUFF It’s not just the overuse of online ‘humour’ that’s the issue – it’s that most of it is bad. We’re talking cringey puns, sexist lines, or toilet humour. Just… no.

Nothing about the bride always being right or this being the last time you will have a chance to say a few words.

THE GENERIC STUFF At Speechy, we have a rule: if a joke could be copy-pasted into another groom’s speech, it’s not good enough.

Avoid lines like:

“I’d like to thank my new father-in-law for his kind words. Best £20 I ever spent!”

Safe? Yes. Memorable? Nope.

🙌 Want to Be Funnier Than You Think You Are?

Start with our Groom Speech Template or upgrade to SpeechyAI to instantly turn your ideas into a unique, witty and suitably sweet speech.

And if you want full VIP treatment, check out our Bespoke Speechwriting Service. Because nothing says “best speech ever” like your guests crying with laughter.

You’ve got this. Now make ‘em laugh.