How To Start A Best Man’s Speech

Lewis Carol famously wrote ‘Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end: then stop’.  Sounds like a good strategy to us.

Whilst some of the Speechy team like to structure the speech before diving into it, some of us prefer just to start by putting the heavy thinking into the first paragraph and then everything flows from there. Whilst both strategies work, we all agree that the opening lines are crucial in winning an audience over.

We’ve worked with hundreds of best men around the world, from nerds to jocks, to brothers who welcome this opportunity to roast the guy that gave them a lifetime of wedgies and sons who feel a tad overwhelmed by the burden of public speaking – and every opening paragraph we write is unique. And, they need to be!

Wedding speakers need to wake your audience up from the off, and let them know they’re in for a treat (rather than ten minutes of googled-gags and platitudes).

So, how do you get everyone laughing from the get-go and leave everyone in the room feeling they’re in safe hands, rather than cringing at your awful wedding jokes? Well, before you start thinking about your actual lines, think about what you have to do.

• Check if there’s an MC – Do you need to introduce yourself?
• Don’t panic about any wedding speech etiquette. No need to Google, it’s just common sense. It’s still worth checking the speech parameters with the newlyweds – like length or if they want to veto any specific, more risky, anecdotes.
• Introduce your relationship with the groom – Often forgotten but your audience wants to put your relationship with the groom into context. Where you met, how you bonded, and yes, you can have fun with this if he’s your brother.
• Forget the usual wedding waffle – So many speeches start with niceties and waste wordcount on meaningless nonsense. No best man needs to mention how lovely the venue is for example. Instead, cut straight to the point of the speech, e.g. how the hell did the groom manage to convince his partner to marry him!

So let’s break it down…

STARTING A BEST MAN SPEECH – THE ETIQUETTE

Gone is the convention of old where the best man would start his speech by thanking the groom for his compliments *ON BEHALF OF* the bridesmaids. No matter how traditional the wedding you’re speaking at is, it’s never good form to be speaking for women.

As a best man, your role is to add some humour to the speech line up and you want to begin with a cracking line and a laugh within the first 20 seconds of your speech. But beware… we’ve rescued best man speeches from sleazy jokes that would have made Madonna blush, let alone the groom’s mother-in-law.

You may also want to consider using inclusive language in your speech. Read The Diversity Style Guide for some help in finding better words.

Aim to read your audience in advance of the big day. If this is a grownup (in the loosest sense of the word) wedding, where the couple have requested no kids and the free bar is flowing, you can probably get away with some near the knuckle anecdotes. Still consider the sensibilities of all the main players though – it’s not cool to be overly crude or inappropriate.

Ultimately, your speech needs to be a tribute to your friend, even if it’s packaged as affectionate teasing. Of course, the cardinal rule is no mention of exes, even if the groom has been married before or any anecdotes that will require the groom apologising to his new partner later in the day!

If there’s a Master of Ceremonies coordinating the speeches, you’ll have the honour of being introduced like the Very Important Person you are. If there isn’t one, imake sure you give yourself a quick introduction – and there’s ample opportunity to make this funny. Sending yourself up will endear the crowd and get them onside right away. Self-depreciating humour is so effective, studies have shown it can even make you appear more physically attractive – so it’s a comedy tool to be exploited!

Something like…

‘Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you I’ve yet to meet, I’m the groom’s friend and wingman, (name) – and I have the dubious honour of being his best man.

Of course, as a single man in my late thirties, with a growing paunch and Uber Eats loyalty card, I may not be the obvious choice to discuss matters of the heart but let me reassure you all… ChatGPT can help a desperate man in need.’

INTRODUCE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GROOM

This is your chance to tell the ultimate bromance story, and we guarantee there’s opportunity for comedy here no matter how ordinary you think your friendship is. Believe us, there is a whole lot of fun to be found in the every day.

Whether you met sharing headlice in the sandpit at pre-school or sharing a beer after working on a building site together, no one else was there so can’t correct you exaggerating your origin story. Professional comedians exaggerate 200% of the time.

Intro example…

‘Good afternoon, lovely people

You know it’s a special day when you put your phone on silent, you feel slightly ridiculous in your clothes and there’s free bottles of wine in front of you. Yes, today my (best mate & Jaggerbomb sidekick) has got married.  

Now I’ve known (groom) for (xx) years and I must say, it’s surprisingly emotional watching a proper mate get hitched. It’s heart-warming, it’s romantic and it reassures me that amazing women/great folk can be attracted to men who… (Insert comedy ‘flaws’ you have in common with the groom e.g. – come from Norwich, work in IT and share a love of Warcraft).’  

LAUGHTER, NOT WEDDING WAFFLE

Seriously, no need to thank people, no need to talk about how wonderful the day is, none of that is necessary and certainly no required in your opening.

Speeches are better when they’re punchy. Don’t bother with long lead ups to anecdotes – if it takes longer that 30 seconds to set up a joke, you’re not doing it right.

Get straight in there with one liners that encapsulate the weird and wonderful things about your best mate.

Challenge yourself to make your audience laugh within the first 20 seconds of your speech. How? Read our guide to making your speech funny.

‘For those of you who I’ve yet to meet, I’m (groom’s name’s) brother, (your name), or as I’m more commonly known, the (list of positive attributes of yours: tall, slim, intelligent, handsome) one.

Now, you may be thinking that I’m a lazy choice for the role of best man, but let me reassure you, the bond that (groom’s name) and I share goes much deeper than mere nepotism. We’re brothers who have played together, schooled together, bled, boozed and now, … (edit to suit e.g. ‘occasionally acknowledge each other’s presence when we’re in a social setting / send each other abusive texts and Netflix recommendations).‘

ESTABLISH THE THEME OF YOUR SPEECH EARLY ON

Makes sense for this to be about one of the groom’s ‘quirks’ or personality traits. Maybe him being a prima donna, as evidenced by the fact he insisted on having the wedding abroad/midweek/black tie in 30 degree heat.

Could also be inspired by his occupation and any qualities he has that contradict that in his personal life. The firefighter who’s afraid of spiders… the quantity surveyor who hasn’t got round to filling a giant hole he hammered in his wall after buying his first house 3 years ago… or the fine artist whose early training consisted of drawing penises on your school textbooks when you were 12.

‘For those of you I’ve yet to meet, I’m the groom’s least offensive friend, (name) and so I’ve been asked to be his best man. A month planning the stag do, chasing ushers for payment, trying to fit into a suit and then giving a speech to 100 odd people. What an honour. (roll eyes)

However, rather than give a traditional best man speech I thought I’d address the elephant in the room, something I’m sure you’ve all been wondering… (Pause for dramatic effect) …Why exactly did someone as gorgeous, witty and intelligent as (groom’s partner) just marry a bloke like (groom)?

As we can see (groom’s partner) is attractive, successful and a certified catch. (Groom)? (Slight pause, shake of head) Less so.‘

SEE IF YOUR TOAST CAN REFLECT YOUR OPENING

All comedy writers know there’s circularity involved in great storytelling. Plant a seed early on, then come back to it with a funny and meaningful toast.

If your introduction is a joke about your mate being a killjoy, the ending could be ‘here’s to a life of fun and adventure or, in Matt’s case risk analysis and costing spreadsheets’.

You get the idea. We hope our guide on how to start a best man speech has been useful.

Further advice

We have written a post on best man opening lines and your will find our best man speech examples and best man speech advice pages really helpful.

If you want further help we have a best man speech template, an AI best man speech generator and a host of other best man speech services.